Happy Holidays?

   Christmas has once again come and gone. Another year come to pass. It's been a fairly good year, every year has it's ups and downs, this year had more ups than downs thankfully.

   Not much new to report nothing worth mentioning anyway. I do feel older now, for once. It hit me at the annual Christmas party that the family has every year. Maybe it was the games of "Beer Pong" or "Taps" aka "Flippie Cup" or the half a dozen or so alcoholic beverages I had consumed by the time it was time to open presents, or as us older cousins do, open our envelopes. We don't really get presents that we unwrap anymore, they come in envelopes now. But as I sat in the hallway overlooking the living room at Twan's I felt what the older cousins, who are now the young parents, must have felt when they were around our age. They'd transitioned from kids to the adults and I was now in the process of experiencing that transition. As I stared down into the living room through my alcoholic buzz, I realized that never would I have the same smile as my younger cousins had as they tore through the wrapping paper and marveled at the new toys they just received. I came to the realization that I was grown up that it was time for me to stop messing around and figure out what the hell to do with myself. Make myself truly useful in some capacity. So alcohol, in the words of Homer (Simpson not of the Illiad), can be or is the source of all of lifes problems and solutions. In my case it was sort of the solution. It empowered me to get focused and re-orient myself. That is until we played "Taps" again and I busted out another glass of Sangria. Btw, who plays "Taps" and "Beer Pong" at a family function? My crazy ass cousins and I when we're bored!

   So another year is about to commence, hopefully this upcoming year will have an exhausting number of ups rather than downs. This year will hopefully allow me to accomplish more goals and aspirations. I don't really want to make any new years resolutions, mostly because I'll probably just break them anyway. One thing I do want to do for sure is to quit the smokey smoke. That's right folks I want to quit that demon that is my vice. I want to kick that monkey off my freaking back. I plan on having the my last cig before midnight and start the new year off smoke free...we'll see how this goes.

   On a completely random note I was going to my car to warm it up on the way to pick up pizza for the fam and I took one step after the steps onto my driveway and BAM my foot gave out from under me on the ice. Now my left knee cap is bruised to hell, my right upper arm hurts, and I just feel like a complete jack hole.

   Well hope you have a safe and fun New Year!

DO IT!

Apologies for anyone who gets upset by the lack of updates.

Truth is there really isn't much to update.

Since the previous update, I guess it was back at the end of May, not much has changed. I started doing Temp jobs downtown and that's been going well. I just hate the idle times between assignments where I revert back to my useless self.

As per my usual summer activities, I've been doing the usual summer festivities. The endless cycle of going out and coming home but this summer the event of going to work was introduced to the routine. Many more brain cells have been murdered, many a beer has been consumed. I'm one year older, yet I still feel young. In the grand scheme of things 25 is pretty young, considering in the society we dwell in, people live longer. 25 would be a problem if we were in a less industralized nation. Probably a good reason why I should do something with my life. Therein lies the conundrum however. I don't know what to do with my life, don't know, haven't found, can't figure out my purpose. Still in search of my being, my purpuse for being placed where I am. At 25 I still can't tell myself yet alone my parents or others what the hell my plan is. The truth is I don't really have a plan right now. I'm trying but sometimes it just leads me to dead ends. I've told people of a conversation I enjoyed with one of the nurses I used to work with. Her daughter and I graduated from York at the same time, we'd known each other since we were in 6th grade and we were both destined for greatness going to U of I. Turns out though my first semester at U of I her daughter decides to drop out. She was talking to me about how it's hard for kids of our generation to find a purpose because we're given so many opportunities. That we see that we truly can be whatever we want, there are no restrictions holding us back. When I was younger I was dead set on becoming a doctor, a surgeon. Then I worked at the hospital and decided hell no was that for me. Then I decided hey Pre-Law doesn't seem so bad, so I graduated pre-law, now I'm putting it off because I am lazy, I admit that. So now I'm still in deep search for what I am and what I'm going to do.

But hey enough of that bull.

This past weekend was fun, can barely remember the nights, but they were fun it seemed. Don't really remember many of the pictures taken when I look at them, ah yes more drunken pictures. Never seizes to amaze me that no matter how much we may oppose going to one place, with enough alcohol at really cheap prices everyone will have a the time of their lives. I am paying for it however with my illness, probably got it from being around all those kids and the germs they give each other, but hey, by this weekend I should be fine and itching to go out again.

On a side note, I'm starting this new get healthy plan, cutting down (hopefully) temendously on the smoking, working out (including cardio). I've got plans to be able to play sports and not be sore for the two days following said activity.

Later.

Oh Yeah!!!

   So it's been eons since I've blogged. And a few things have happened since then...

   Obviously I'm not in Basic Training. I didn't get the specialty I wanted and some other administrative crap went wrong so I cancelled my contract and decided to just stay home and find employment and start thinking about the Grad school in the future.

   It wasn't that I didn't want to go away to the military, it's just that the situation was not the most conducive to my growth and career in the military. Or so I tink it wasn't. I was ready to go, I was mentally anyway. The physical part was getting there. The smoking was cutting down, but now it's back up, damn you summer breaks and going out more!

   So what's new you ask? NOTHING! It's still me circa September of last year. Just worrying about finding employment. I've got a few good leads that I'm waiting on.

   Life's good, can't complain. I've got my health, my family, and of course my friends. Things are good, well except for the employment. Need to find a job so that I can stop relying on the parentals, I think they're getting sick of me, but then I do or say something funny and all is good.

   It's summer pretty much again. College kids are out of school and some of you fine people graduated so more people to play with here.

   Went to Twan's graduation a couple weekends ago and that was a fun weekend. Got down there on Thursday and immediately went over to 1010 to start drinking and eating before guys night out. Then Friday was a party at 30 and that was another drunken night. It was overall a good weekend minus the weather which was shitty. Looking back now I wish I waited a semester to graduate so I could graduate in the spring and take pictures around campus. Though parts of it are ghetto or broken down, not to mention the endless construction. You can always finde beauty and serenity at places there.

   So for now I'm here at home, looking for a Job, same place I was a year ago. Still skinny, still smoking, still drinking, still getting carded everywhere!

So yeah, later skater.

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

"Godd Riddance (Time of Your LIfe)" - Green Day

   So It's getting closer. The day that I bid farewell to this life that I've come to be so familiar with. Certain moments, thoughts, quotes, and dialogues have passed before my eyes and my ears that have forced me to re-live the months and weeks before graduation. Much like the seniors now are forced to deal.

   It's tough to look back and to think "what if...?" But then again a good friend mentioned to me just recently "things happen for a reason." I'm sure they do, and as far as I'm concerned they have to. I have to move on. To make a life for myself. To be the person whom I desire to be.

   I looked back at my old .plans and the same thoughts have started streaming through my psyche. Thoughts of what I'm going to miss.

Now's not the time to dwell on it though!

This is the time to enjoy, to be with the people who matter. If YOU are reading this you know then that you DO matter.

For you...
Soy estúpido para lo que lo hice. Para con lo que le pasé. Nunca
deseé pasarle con cualquier dolor. Sé que no convenimos en qué han
sucedido, qué podría suceder. Apenas sé eso en mis ojos, en mi
corazón, éste soy la mejor cosa para nosotros, para mí, ahora. Sepa
esto, lo que sucede yo está aquí para usted. Nunca quisiera que
usted se sintiera que usted no pueda contar en mí. Usted significa
tanto a mí.

Je suis désolé...

64 days...

Hi.

   Many people have asked why I'm leaving and I'm finally taking the time out to explain it. Sit back and relax, this will probably take a while. For you smokers you may want to go and have a cigarette now, that's precisely what I'm going to do before my long winded explanation and account of events takes place.

BRB

OK I'm back and away I go...

   I'll start out by telling you a little story. I arrived in the bitter Windy City at the impresionable age of seven. Yes I am a FOB, surprisingly people who I tell this too are still amazed that I was born in the P.I. due to the lack of my accent, others will argue I have another type of accent. But yes I am a FOB even though the white boy inside hides it well. Back to the story, I was born and raised in the P.I. and I was instilled with the Filipino view of life. However I say I grew up here in Chicago, more importanly I grew up in a very caucasian environment. Not necessarily in my own home, but my friends up until I went to U of I were all mostly white. I went through grade school, junior high (Chicago Parochial kids apparently did not have junior high and are alien to this system of schooling), high school and two years of junior college. Then I transfered to U of I. Through the final phase of my education I was granted loans and grants by the government which allowed me to stay in school. My parents still bitch to this day about why I didn't just go to the P.I. for school and become a doctor.

   So why the Army you ask? Well I've always wanted to go into the service. In H.S. when I was applying to colleges I was seriously considering going to West Point or Annapolis, or even VMI or the Citadel. But suffice to say I was not a citizen yet so I was not able to go through with it. When I applied to U of I was also considering R.O.T.C. But again I was not a citizen yet. When I graduated I was looking feverently for this thing called a job but nothing I was applying for or I interviewed for was really fitting. It also didn't help that no one wanted to give me a job haha, heh, blah. This past Spring/Summer the thought about joining the military came back into my psyche and I researched it to the point where I was familiar with every aspect of military life. This was to calm my apprehensive and pesimistic nature. I had it narrowed down to either the Marines and the Army. I chose the Army because within the Army I had the freedom to choose from many occupations as well as the opportunity for advancement. Though I believe the Marines still have the better looking dress uniform.

   I still haven't answered your question though you say. That's because my reasons for joining the military are complex. Joining the armed services has always been a small dream of mine. In lieu of kids playing war and stuff I always had a macho side to me that said "do it." So now I'm indulging my inner child as well as challenging my physical and mental self. Another deeper reason is the belief of serving a cause, serving an entity better than myself. And being that being a man of the cloth goes against what I've already done and what I want to do, the Army allows me to give back. The Army will allow me to serve my country and give back for what it has given me. I wanted a job where I knew that, even in the most minute part, what I was doing is making a difference. Another reason is because of my long term plan that I have kept secret. I've always wanted to joing the F.B.I. or C.I.A. or N.S.A. but when I was researching for jobs I was awakened to the fact that they usually only take people with masters or PhDs. In joining the Army I have started a career which if I decided I could retire from when I am in my mid 40s.

   Am I scared? Yes, who wouldn't be? It's something new to me and I'm going to be trusting my life, my career, in other people's hands. I'm also leaving behind my life as I know it. Friends, family, everything, my home. That petrifies me. To leave the familiarity of it all to chase a dream will scare anyone. But I am taking this risk, I am leaving, but not for good. Do I have second thoughts? Yes. Especially as of late. There are things that have come up that complicate things. It makes me want to stay so bad. But I know I can't, I have to do this to see what I'm made of to see if I can do what set out to be.

   So where do I go from this day to the next? Right now I'm in the Delayed Entry Program of the U.S. Army. This entails me to keep in shape or get into it rather and I check in with the recruiting command to check my progress. My ship out date is April 20, 2004, yes you potheads that's 420. But in actuality I get dropped off at the recruiting and processing station on the 19th of April because we have to get up at 4 am to start getting final paperwork done and to make sure I haven't done any drugs or broken the law since I signed up.

   What am I doing in the Army? Well that's classified haha not really. But I'm doing a year long training program in intelligence systems. After the first year I hope to go to Officer Candidate School to become an officer and have leadership responsibilities as well as higher pay. Right now I have a commitment of five years. If I choose to I can extend that to a full career but right now, five years is enough. But don't worry I'll be coming back here and there to visit so this is by no means our last months together. I have 30 days of paid vacation a year so I'll be taking a couple of weeks during the summer and winter holidays to visit.

   So that's it, that's why. I probably forgot something in there so if I did and you're still curious just ask.

Laters, Peej