"I Have Kung Pao Chicken!!!"

Said the overweight teen from the burbs with his face painted in his dilapidated trench coat.

That's great kid, can I have some? Oh, you're trying to be funny. I get it. It's because I'm Asian. That's original.

Your buddy up ahead with his tattered Insane Clown Posse, or whatever metal band, shirt up ahead is also doing a good job mocking the black gentleman who has headphones on. Yelling "I have fried chicken!!!" real loud is hilarious.

Your group of twenty hideous friends are so funny and original. The cold weather doesn't seem to affect those of you who are wearing short sleeves. Not to mention that the girls wearing their shirts way too tight they make the term "muffin top" a good thing. They're more like mushroom cloud tops. Yeah, I see you, you there, that girl with the pig tails, spitting. Or at least trying to, if you can't spit correctly, then don't. Yelling and making vomiting sounds after failing to expel your saliva properly so that it leaves a long string from your mouth will get you far in this world.

What's that? You still have have some Kung Pao Chicken? I'd like some if you really have it. Yes, I can hear you. Yes, you're still funny. It's evident from your cohorts laughing uncontrollably. They get the joke you're making. It's 'hey, there's an Asian, I'll make loud noises about having some Chinese food.'

Was there even a concert of some sort you were all attending? There are more of you around tonight? My, you all must laugh so hard when you tell everyone about how you made funny comments to a couple of guys while you were walking and they couldn't hear you. So funny. Loud noises get everyone's attention. Especially when you're wearing your clown make-up to emulate your beloved band. That ironic bloody clown make up really makes it that much better.

But I know what's really going on. You're a bunch of sad little children. You're in the city for the night to attend a musical event. I use that term loosely. Music, ICP, it's not my thing. You may consider it music, but it's a lot of whining and crying and yelling and a lot of loud obnoxious drumming and guitar playing that really has no melody.

Also, I know you're out to have a good time. Your idea of a good time involves the alleged public humiliation of others different from you. If different from you is a bad thing, count me in. I'd rather not be a snot nosed little (read fat) kid from the South suburbs who comes into the city doing what you do. Looking like idiots. The paint on your face just masks the real deal underneath. Insecure, bullied children who have come together to try to make others feel beneath you.

Guess what? You're not being as successful as you think. Sure you're making each other laugh. But everyone else is looking at you. Judging you. It may not be fair or right, but I'll be damned if they're not all thinking the same thing... GO BACK HOME! Your racial innuendos are not needed here. I understand that perhaps in your little suburb, that you may not have a diverse population. But here, in this city, you'll respect the diversity. You are just making yourselves look horrible. But then again, you've already done that on your own, without uttering a syllable. Your horribly painted faces, your tattered, ill-fitting, clothes and your general unkempt appearance speaks for itself. Not to mention the unnecessary yelling I heard from a block away, with headphones in.

So that's great that you have Kung Pao Chicken. It's a great meal. But where in your baggy pants, ripped at the bottom, and your torn trench coat are you storing it? In your corn rows and pig tails? Perhaps behind your grease paint? Wherever it is, you should probably take it out, it's going to cover up the stench of pork and manure you're so awesomely emitting. By the way, it seems as if the plumbing in your part of the world has some how gone horribly wrong. The showers must be down as the smell of B.O. just makes me sick.

Off to McDonalds are ya? Why aren't you going in? Oh, so they're not letting you in? I'm sure all the Black people in there would love to hear your commentary on fried chicken.